My life now, in some ways, does not look like I thought it would when I was young.
After reading this great blog that a friend posted titled, “What if All I Want Is a Mediocre Life?”, I stopped to ponder that this is pretty much the life that I live but not the life that I thought I wanted, but have found now that it is exactly where I want to be!
There was a time when I thought I would do something more with my singing, my speaking, my writing, my impacting the lives of others. After all, we are always told to dream big, right?
Somewhere along the line, life got full of little people, household responsibilities, being a pastors wife and trying to keep daily life moving forward as sanely as possible.
I thought to myself, “this is just a season, someday, it will look different and then I can return to focusing more intently on living a life of impact.”
I decided to let those thoughts simmer on my minds back burner as I strolled little ones through the park or pulled a wagon down a country lane to throw pebbles into the creek.
I can remember enjoying the company of the women who would ride with me to a ladies weekend to hear the speakers that were doing great things with their lives. “Someday”, I would think, “maybe I too, can touch lives like these speakers do.”
My husband and I would go on vacation and visit a big church where the pastor was preaching to the masses and there were vibrant ministries and programs reaching every kind of need.
“Someday, maybe God will call us to a church like this, where we can do so much more than what we are doing.”
I can’t tell you when my view began to change, but it did.
Maybe it was the day that I realized that God had already given me some people to impact. While I was praying for the people I should reach, I was forgetting about the ones right in my own home, five children to invest in and teach about life.
When did I begin to realize that I love just singing in the shower or in the car with the radio, or with my fellow congregants at church and that this may delight God more than any performance I could give?
When did it begin to no longer matter that we were typically pastoring small churches in small towns? Was it the day I talked to a friend whose husband is so swamped pastoring in his big church that almost every night of the week is filled with meetings leaving him little time to spend with the people?
At what point did I come to realize that I much more prefer the rides to the women’s retreats and getting to know the ones I am with than the idea of speaking to masses of women whom I would never get to personally know?
When did I decide that I love writing whether anyone reads it or not?
Could it be that as life has moved on, the things that I once thought were important in the eyes of my youth, hold a dimmer view.
Maybe I am just mediocre or maybe I have discovered that I am satisfied.
Whichever it is, for now I am content and that is the best place of all for me to be.