To My Single Friends: The Valentine You Missed

If you have found your true love in life (humanly speaking), then good for you.

If you haven’t, have you considered that you may have missed the one that is right under your nose?

Have you given any thought as to what exactly it is you are looking for and why?

I ask this mainly because being the mother of 5 young adults I have gotten to know many of their friends over the years and ponder why some of them are still single?

Now, don’t get me wrong here. They may choose to be single and not interested and that is fine. However, I would say most of them are hoping that they will find their life mate and go on to set up their own family but it hasn’t happened yet.

I see the articles they post about struggling with singleness, I have had conversations with some of them and I know that they would like a relationship. So for their sake and many others, I will weigh in with my two cents, for whatever it is worth.

Those who know me, know that above all, I would encourage looking first and foremost for a shared faith. Missionary dating is a complicated issue, and there are many good books on the spiritual aspect of relationships, so I will move on to the practical.

“Dear Abby” I am not, but hopefully, I have learned and observed a few things in life, so fasten your seat belts and hang on for the ride!

For myself, I can remember that around Jr. High, I got tired of people dictating who I should and shouldn’t like or hang with.

In my group of friends, there were certain boys that were “the” ones to be interested in. There were girls who we were all to flock to in hopes of being invited to their slumber party, etc.

I can remember a certain girl whom I was friends with who was so popular that she would have a gaggle of girls waiting for her every morning when her bus arrived at school.

There was an unwritten code of who to hang with and who not to hang with that eventually wore thin on me. I began to discover that I actually liked some people who just didn’t fit the list.

I looked around and saw some boys that might not be the star athlete or the cool one but they had a sweet personality or could make me laugh.

I got to know some girls that might be quieter and have fewer friends but they were so easy to have fun with and did not require an ‘appointment’ to spend time with them

At some point, I began to see that there were a variety of personalities out there and a gold mine of awesome people that I had yet to discover because I was letting “the group” define who and who wasn’t acceptable.

Of course, we can laugh and say “ah yes, Jr. High! How nice that we grow up!”

But do we?

Or have we traded one ‘group think’ for another?

I observe when I watch most movies that almost always the star of the show has got to be attractive, sexy, assertive and usually successful.

Finally, last night, I watched a movie where the guy and the girl were actually plain looking, geeky people and I loved it!

They were both socially awkward but they somehow began to see something in each other that nobody else would notice or care about because everybody else is looking for all that other stuff!

I love it because this is the reality of life! All of us are a bit quirky aren’t we? After all, ‘normal’ is just a setting on the dryer! The only standard of perfection we see is in a two hour movie where the stars are groomed for hours and read the script with the perfect lines in the fabulous setting with the killer job.

In my real world, I have friends who stutter, have had cancer, are bald, are overweight, have learning disabilities, life-long illnesses and on and on the list goes. But that does not define the totality of who they are. In fact, it is their flaws and struggles that have forged in them some of their greatest assets and depth of character!

So, how is it that we can miss the obvious people who are right under our nose? Maybe that quirky person with the funny laugh has much more to them than just that? Maybe the plain looking young lady who quietly sits alone reading a book has a fascinating mind and shared interests? Maybe that balding guy with the paunch belly would make an awesome, tuned in husband and a great dad?

While I would totally agree that we should have high standards in the relationships we pursue, have we forgotten that character trumps the externals?

What are we looking for?

To my single friends, I would encourage you guys to look for those girls that the other guys are missing. Stop trying to get next to the girl that all the men are competing for and look for the one who may be sitting quietly alone. A casual conversation or two might just reveal that you have a lot more in common than you think. You will never know if you don’t sit down and ask her about herself and find out what floats her boat.

Ladies, don’t write off that guy who may be a bit socially awkward. Some of the most fascinating and brilliant people I have met in life are out of the box thinkers and they don’t do text book macho. However, they can be some of the most creative and sensitive guys who will never forget your anniversary or your favorite color!

As far as appearance, you will learn in time that some beautiful people do not age well and vice-versa. It doesn’t matter how well we prop ourselves up, this youth thing fades very quickly. That old saying, “beauty is only skin deep” is absolutely true.

There is great value in a person who you can just be yourself with but you will not know who that one is if you are only looking for the one you feel you have to impress.

So have some conversations. Stop stressing with fear that you might get rejected or she might assume too much. Clear communication clears up the mystery of intentions.

Guys, may I venture to say that asking someone out for a coke or a walk to find out more about them is not a proposal?

In closing I would say, don’t be on the hunt and don’t be a stalker. If you try too hard you will scare people away.It is good also to note, that if too many people avoid you, then it is time to find a trusted person who will be honest with you about some things you may need to change. Although we will all have imperfections, being obnoxious or annoying is especially hard for people to overlook.

Nonetheless, be confident in yourself and have enough courage to put yourself out there taking a risk that possibly, there is an amazing person who you will never get to know if you don’t!

Whether anything comes of it or not, for sure you may have just found yourself making a new friend who needed another one as well!

Praying all the best for all of you, with all my love! 🙂

1 thought on “To My Single Friends: The Valentine You Missed

  1. Reblogged this on Simply Shelli and commented:

    People are a gift. They may be packaged differently, but if we take the time to get to know the ones that aren’t so obvious, we may be surprised at what we discover! There are a lot of oysters in the sea and some of them might just have a pearl!


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