Where has time gone?
How is it that I am 57 years old today?
What happened to yesterday when I was just seventeen singing “You are the dancing queen, young and sweet only seventeen?”
Or 27, when I had a baby and a toddler in tow, running to Walmart for diapers and McDonald’s for “Happy Meals?”
What of 37, when I had five children and was busy in ministry and community activities, carpooling in minivans and racing to soccer games?
How quickly did I turn 47, and dreaded that 50 was looming near as I wondered if I would ever act my age?
How is it possible that I am going to turn 60 in 3 years?! Doesn’t time know that I still don’t have all of my cooking skills down yet? That I am still trying to figure out how to be a good mom and wife? That I haven’t even begun to reach some of my goals and dreams?
Why doesn’t time stop and wait for me to catch up? Or even grow up? Why must we be in such a hurry?
But it is rushing as if there is this deadline to meet. Hurry, hurry, you are young and now you are middle age, tomorrow you will be old.
It seems like just yesterday that I looked forward to having all my children and daughter-in-law together for a time of Thanksgiving. That was last week as Thanksgiving has moved aside to make way for Christmas. All too soon a new year will arrive as we race into the next.
Did my oldest just turn 31? Where did that adorable baby girl go, who I used to snuggle and hold, begging her to never grow up but to always stay small and innocent, strolling through the park with me on sunny, carefree days?
What of my other children? Have not all of them slipped through my fingers as I tried to grasp each moment, each milestone, only to find myself at the end of another year, launching another one out the door.
Time has a tight grip on them as well, and is winning the tug of war, pulling them further away into adulthood and on to the next thing.
Who is this gray haired man beside me? Why are there wrinkles on my face? What happened to the day I heard myself say “My name is Shelli and I have been married for 3 weeks?” Did I hang on to those words, knowing that someday I would ponder saying them?
Could I have known then that 3 weeks would turn into months, years and decades almost overnight and I would want to remember when it was all so new.
Where has time gone?
It seems that time has gone where time always goes. Forever forward and never stopping, except in the memories I put on pause and hold on to until the next decade comes, as always, knocking at my door.